This will be my final post for National Fertility Awareness Week 2014, as this is the final day, but I have enjoyed having a post a day on the blog and the associated new follows and views that come with it. Thank You to everyone who has taken time to read my posts, and welcome to all of those who are new followers! I hope you stick with us as our journey progresses.
Here’s my final post! Infertility is a very difficult thing to deal with, and I find it is not something that people understand unless they have been there themselves. The letters below are my way of trying to make people understand a little more about our situation and how they fit into it.
As you know, Amy and I have been struggling with infertility for near on three years now, with the loss of our beautiful Squishy making things that little tougher. I wanted you all to know that your support is so valued, so treasured and so wanted, but for those who haven’t been where we are, I wanted to express some thoughts.
Dear Pregnant Friend – I am so happy for you. I am SO SO happy that you are getting your dream. Please forgive me if sometimes I don’t want to talk about the baby constantly. It’s not that I don’t care. It’s not that I don’t love you or value you, it’s just that I wish I was going through this alongside you. I wish I was experiencing all the things that you are. I hope when the day comes that Amy and I go down the path you and your partner are travelling, that you guys are right there with us. I’m sorry if sometimes I seem distant. Please know that I wish it was us as well as you, not instead of you.
Dear New TTC’ers,
Remember you’re at the beginning. Remember that every journey is different. We all hope it will happen quickly, and fact is that for most, it does. Have respect for people’s journies. Don’t belittle them, don’t try to suggest things without knowing if they tried that already. Also, do understand that it’s not “negativity” that some Long Term Trying to Conceive ladies feel, it’s a sort of realism. We know that after a long time of trying, our chance every cycle is smaller than yours. But we can only give it our best shot and hope for the best. Please try to do the same. Telling someone “I know this is your month” can be very disheartening seventeen months in a row,
Dear fellow-infertility-sufferer friend,
You are wonderful. Do you know that? You make things easier. You don’t judge me, and I don’t judge you. You’re always there for me when something stupid has set off my “bitter infertile” emotions. I love that we hope and wish together, we have real conversations long into the night, we can sit with each other when something goes wrong and we can listen when anyone wants to talk. Friend, we have never met. I only know you through my computer screen but I feel like you’re one of my biggest supports in this journey. I hope we both get our wishes one day and I hope we both can be there for one another no matter what path our journey takes in the end.
Dear Friends With Children,
I love your optimism. Especially those of you who didn’t suffer with infertility. I’m thankful that you were lucky enough not to suffer, because I wouldn’t wish this journey on my worst enemy, let alone a friend that I value and care about. Do understand, however, that telling me “you’ll understand when you have kids” is not helpful. I’m happy for you, but I don’t like having my nose rubbed in it.
Dear Friends Who Don’t Want Kids Yet,
I know you don’t understand. I know you think it’s a load of fuss over nothing. But please try. Please try to listen and respond appropriately when I talk to you about this massive part of mine and Amy’s lives. If you don’t understand what I’m saying, ask. Don’t just nod along. This is a big deal. I love having you in my life but I need you to understand that this is a big deal.
Thank you for the unconditional support. I know that sometimes we are difficult and emotional over this. Thank you for the sweet package after we lost Squishy. I know that sometimes you don’t have the words but you need to tell us in another way, and that’s ok.
In the end, I love having so many different people sharing the journey that Amy and I are on. I love the mix of opinions, support and situations. I also think that a little education goes a long way, so take this not as a criticism, but as a token of appreciation.
Thank you for being with us on our journey,
Laura (and Amy, who is not writing this, but is equally a part of this journey and equally affected)