It’s been a while, but here is another entry by our fabulous Superhero Donor. Enjoy!
(Anything in brackets and italics are snippets of my input)
Should a donor vet potential recipients?
As a donor, you have as much responsibility for the outcome of your donation as the recipients. You are responsible for creating a life. You are responsible for a human’s start in life. Should you be checking those recipients are suitable to be parents?
Some of you will say “that is our problem”, but it is still a moral decision for the donor.
Some donors are not bothered at all. Typically those insisting on NI (Laura – natural insemination- or sex if you’re calling a spade a spade!) are there to get their own pleasure and are using a lady that is in a very vulnerable place to get their end away. If you are happy with that it’s ok, but it’s clear from what I have seen that many are not. Some donors are in it for money, I am lucky enough to not need to ask for expenses, but others may have to. However those that ask for high “expenses” or outright charge for sperm are donating for their own interests just as much as those after sex. (Laura – remember, selling sperm is illegal in the UK under UK Law. Do not accept donations from anyone who asks for money specifically for the sperm.) But those donors who have thought about what they are doing are also very aware of the responsibilities they have. OK, legally these are very different for same sex married or civil partnershipped couples than single ladies and heterosexual couples, but they are the same morally.
Personally, I want to know if there is a potentially “good” home for a future child. Has the lady thought about the financial strain a child will place on their circumstances? Or do they just fancy a baby because they don’t have one? Very often it is clear how people are by the way they treat a donor. Those that welcome a donor as a kind person who is prepared to help them are very reassuring. If they just want you to provide a sample behind the local pub you start to wonder about their intentions.
Good donors are not just sperm machines, they care about what they are doing and want to help ladies that need them. They will work with you. Many will be available at almost a moment’s notice to help you if your journey proves to be a long or irregular one.
So, I do feel that donors should vet recipients. They care about you and your future child even though once things happen they will probably have no part in your future. Good ones care enough to provide sperm for no personal benefit – simply because they want to help.
If you find a good donor, care for them. They are far more likely to look after you through your journey, which means less stress around donations and a more drama free conception!