In the past I’ve spoken about stupid things people say – first to those suffering with infertility, and then during pregnancy. Eden is coming up for four months, so I thought it was time to round up on some of the silly things that people have said since Eden was born.
“So, when are you having another?”
Are you joking?! People started asking this even before Eden was born and it infuriated me, but what bothers me more is when you say “I don’t think we will” and people try and convince you that you should. Especially when you’re cradling a newborn at the time and still a bit traumatised from said newborn coming out of your foof/the sunroof. And following on from that…
“Are you going to try for a boy next?”
I find this annoying because it’s like people assuming that you’re not happy with the child you have, or that it’s somehow superior to have one of each. A friend of mine has two boys and then got pregnant with a girl and everyone went NUTS. She really wasn’t that bothered – just wanted another baby – but the way people went on was like she had the child of God in there! Also, how does one “try for a…?”
“Does she need feeding/changing/burping/cuddling?”
Usually offered by little old ladies on buses or similar. Only offered once you’ve already done all of the above and your darling offspring is still singing away. I know they’re just trying to help but it often makes me want to reply “no idea! I just like hearing her cry. Please be quiet so that I may enjoy it!” Assume that we’ve tried all of this before offering “the stranger’s guide to parenting”.
“Oh, just leave her to cry. You’re spoiling her!”
I know cry it out and such are very controversial topics and I think each family should make their own decision regarding these things. Consequently, if I want to pick up my baby as soon as she makes the slightest noise, that’s my choice. It’s not “spoiling” her and she won’t necessarily “become dependant”. I can’t think of anything worse than just leaving her to cry.
“When I had kids we didn’t do that and my kids were just fine…”
People say this about bizarre things. Having bumpers, sterilising, car seats… all kinds of things. I usually ignore them, but sometimes I trot out “well maybe yours were fine but others weren’t, so I’ll stick with what I’m doing tah.”
“Oh… Formula. Did breastfeeding not work out?”
With all due respect, none of your business. This is why women feel bad about their feeding choices. It’s that “oh.” Just don’t comment on how a family feed their kids. Don’t open that can of worms.
“Is she sleeping through yet?”
I am not kidding, we have literally had this said to us since she was about a week old! And then people pull faces when we say no. This is especially irritating when it is followed with “my cousin’s uncle’s brother’s baby slept through from the moment they were out of the womb.” Not.. helping…
“You look tired”
Gee thanks. You look great too.
“Anything about baby weight.”
Do not open that can of worms. I just had a baby. Leave my mummy tummy alone. Right now I’m too busy keeping this small sprog alive to care about my saggy abdomen. Although DO say “you look great!” Even if I look like Shrek and have dried milk on my top and hair like I’ve been electrocuted, just tell me I look great. I’ll appreciate it.
“Sleep when she sleeps”
I do a great job of sleeping at home when Eden does, but I can’t have a nap in Starbucks when she decides to. It’s not always as easy as “sleep when she sleeps”. I know this one particularly grates on a lot of new parents. I can’t just drop and give you forty winks in a shopping centre because Eden has decided that is the best time for a snooze. Maybe shopping centres are missing a trick in not supplying infant and parent snooze zones?
“Oh, she doesn’t do much, does she?”
You caught her on a bad day. Usually she’s performing operas. Seriously, though. Let the parents of a baby worry about what milestones they’re hitting. And it’s normal for a one week old to not do much…
“Oh, let her try a bit of my sandwich! She can suck on a crust, right?”
No. No she can’t. And don’t you dare say “oh but whhhyyyyyy not?” As with most things, that’s up to us.
“How was labour? Was it horrible? Did you tear?”
The first bit of this questions doesn’t bother me at all. Ask that question and you’re leaving options open. A lady who wants to tell you everything can go ahead and do that, but similarly a lady who doesn’t want to can just say “it was ok” or similar. But please don’t ask if it was horrible. Please don’t ask if I tore. I don’t want to chat with you about my vagina, thanks. Especially if I don’t know you…
“Oh my God! You don’t let the dogs in the room with her, do you?”
Yup. And they adore her. It’s almost like an assumption that we aren’t responsible dog owners. Yes, we let the dogs in the room with her, but we are there too. She’s not left alone with them. And don’t get me started on the “oh, you still have the dogs?” people…
What are the stupid things people have said to you now that you have little ones? Share in the comments.