It’s that time of year again! Father’s Day! Unlike Mother’s Day, this day seems to bring out all kinds of passive aggressive snark on Facebook. “Happy Father’s Day to my sperm donor” etc etc. A lot of people call their crap dad a sperm donor and I think that’s wrong. Here’s why.
So, your dad is crap? Maybe he left when you were born. Maybe he’s never there for you. Maybe he made your life a misery growing up. Maybe you don’t have any feelings towards him at all and you quite frankly don’t see him as part of your world. I get that. I understand that some folk have those situations. You feel like all your dad did was provide the sperm, therefore he’s a sperm donor, right?
Nope. If your dad is a crap dad, they are a crap dad. That’s it. Not a sperm donor. Just a crap dad.
Our little girl is the result of a gift from a sperm donor. An actual sperm donor. Someone who selflessly gifted us his DNA in order for us to have a family. Someone who doesn’t have involvement because that’s what we agreed, but would be there if we needed him medically or if she has questions in the future. Someone who stuck with us for fourteen cycles and a loss until we got our baby. Someone who got nothing more from helping us than the satisfaction of helping. No sex, no money, no nothing. Just satisfaction that he had helped two women become mothers to a beautiful little girl.
A sperm donor isn’t the same as a crap dad. A crap dad has responsibilities to his child. A crap dad failed in those responsibilities. A crap dad was supposed to do more than provide sperm. A crap dad was supposed to be a father.
A sperm donor supplies sperm. Selflessly. A sperm donor is a real life super hero.
So, think about it next time you refer to your child’s father or your own father as a “sperm donor”, because the difference between what you are describing and an actual sperm donor is huge.
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